December 5, 2008 Hello...No, Not Hello...Hi World!

I know, I've been gone forever. I'm going to try to rectify that. I have a really good excuse though... a multi-faceted one, at that.

Honestly, I've abandoned nearly every aspect of my responsibilities so you need not take it personally. I have stepped down from my position in every single extra-curricular activity in which I am involved. I have refrained from spending time with my nieces and nephew. I have taken a hiatus from both my dance lessons and workout regimen. (I have also stopped that crazy HcG diet but that was for a different reason - I realized it was screwing with my feminine hormones. It is my opinion that the Simeons Protocol and all HcG diets are only good for post-menopausal women.) I have done all this in an effort to regain my mental facilities.

As you may recall, I planned a vacation of sorts for the summer. I did not enroll in any classes and I solidified an end-date for my part-time work assignment. I did all this because I was mentally and physically worn out. I had invested every element of my being in my academic career and extracurricular activities. So much so, as you are no doubt aware, that I was unable to pay accurate attention to this blog. I needed some time to catch my breath.

And then I received an opportunity to accept a paid internship in an area of great personal interest.

Of course, it was more than I could handle in my weakened state. I survived, sans breakdown, and made it to the beginning of another semester. However, I simply was not equipt to invest myself as I had in the past. Nonetheless, I began the semester with the same lofty plans as always. I maxed out on my course load, committed myself to plans with several extracurricular organizations, and re-enlisted with my part-time work assignment.

Isn't it funny how intangible elements can seem to have great and lasting physical impacts? Intangible constructs that can be carried (read: baggage) but can not be measured. Consider the concepts of negative reinforcement, emotional bullying, emotional abandonment, emotional eating and other hoarding to fill the void. All of these exist, they certainly carry weight, but can not be weighed. Yes, I carry these with me every moment of every day. The unmeasurable weight of this immense baggage is a burden I always bear though my acquaintances are never aware.

Ah, but there's one more. That weight that I've carried so long and so predominantly. The one for which, in an effort to compensate and balance the weight, I have had to purchase additional (Coach) baggage. The heavy, heavy construct of STRESS.

Thus, I began the balancing act that was my penultimate undergraduate semester. I knew it would be a struggle, but I had juggled this precise load several times before and believed I could do it again. I still believe I could have been a success, had I not added one tiny little additional responsibility a mere third of the way through the semester.

TGG AND I GOT ENGAGED!!!!!!!!! Yes, congratulations are in order! I am so excited about this joyous and wonderful turn of events. I am delighted, ecstatic, elated, overjoyed and... overwhelmed. Have you any idea what is involved in planning a wedding?

So, as with any house of cards, the day came that my tower of intangible baggage began to collapse upon me.

Thankfully, I was aware of the impending doom and sought immediate assistance. I turned to the members of my various extracurricular activities and transitioned all of my projects and responsibilities. Next, as my college offers free mental health counseling, I signed up right away. After a rigorous process of interviews and eliminations, I hired a Wedding Planner. We conquered the time-sensitive tasks like location, dress, some of the vendors. I began obsessing over a million small tasks like the wedding Web site and the articles and to-do lists on theknot.com. Then I realized that I was procrastinating to avoid panicking over my upcoming finals and, gasp, my 30 page thesis proposal. So I decided to trust the Planner and wait to focus on the wedding until after the end of the semester.

Yes, I am procrastinating right now, but this was just a momentary distraction. I have successfully completed my finals and have, finally, made some progress on the paper. With twelve days left to complete the paper, I am in a good place. It's actually quite healthy to take a short break when facing such a momentous task.

So there's your update, and my short break. Time to get back to the scary, scary paper.

Wish me luck!

~This Girl